Hey All,
this is a rarity isn't it? Two post within less then 24 hours. haha but alas here I go :D
God is amazing isn't He? Even through all the crap
and stuff that is going on around the world, the fires in Colorado, the
flooding in Florida, the war over seas, the impending war with Korea,
and yet through it all GOD IS STILL IN CONTROL!!! What a RADICAL God we
serve!!!
I
wanted to expand on what God has been doing in my life! I wrote a
little bit on it last night but I was half awake and I NEED to explain
more haha! I'm sorry i feel so giddy I cannot explain it haha. Ok So I
was struggling deeply through a ton of stuff, but it came down to the
fact that I had not only begun to listen to satan's lies but I had taken
them to heart, which is so much worse. I had taken more then a few
steps away from God and ended up falling into a pit of depression and
sadness and loneliness. i had been focusing on what i did not have
rather then what God has blessed me with. It was very destructive. Then I
had allowed myself to become sick, slowly sicker and sicker until on
the 15th I was so sick with strep that I could not swallow or talk and
could barely breathe. I took a day off and rested at home all weekend.
There was some stress that happened at work because I did not use the
proper steps on taking a day off and I was seriously consumed at that
point with worry and fear and I was completely overwhelmed when i was
asked to have a meeting with the director of the program here in
Cheonan.
I
finally begun to share what had been holding me down with a friend here
in korea and that is when things began to look up. i cried and was so
overwhelmed by everything and she shared her heart and that God has
placed me here for a reason and I had begun to feel better. I had gotten
that day a package from my mom and family and friends back at home and
when i had finished talking with my friend that evening I went to the my
room and unwrapped a package of pure love!! I spent the rest of the
night crying and just thanking God for my family and friends. I went to
sleep that night and actually rested for the first time in a while. i
woke the next morning with some worries but mostly peace.I went through
the day praying off and on and then went to the meeting and spoke with
my Director and she did not fire me which I was afraid of but she spoke
with me about my worries and how things were going and she reassured me
that she would help handle the situation and that there would be no
issues but that i needed to follow the right steps next time, which i
assured her I would and I will if i get sick again. ha
That
was Wednesday the 20th and then we had a dinner all of us teachers in
the program and we celebrated together the birthdays of everyone who had
had one in the last 3-4 months *myself included* and then celebrated
with those who were leaving for a new adventure within the next 3-4
months. It was really good! Then I was talking with my friend Amanda
here and we decided that we would go to the beach on Saturday. So we
went to the beach Saturday and that was the first time I had actually
swam in the ocean and it was beautiful and relaxing and so good, just
what I needed. Then Sunday I have been asked to do a Bible Study of the
Adults and college age for the English Service for 8 weeks because our
normal Bible study leader is in Canada visiting home. I was preparing
for the Bible study and still honestly not on the firmest of grounds
with God and had no clue what God had wanted me to share and then I was
reminded of a youtube video that I had seen of Francis Chan where he had
been talking about this person he was very close to who had died and
how he did not know if he was going to heaven or not and how he just
broke down by the bed weeping when he died. Francis was not alone in the
room when this happened. He turned to this man's son i believe it was
an he said with tears streaming down his face that he did not want to
ever be uncertain of his fate, he begged this man to never leave it up
to change, to live his life fully sold out. I was then reminded of the
verse in Revelations that Jesus says it would better to be hot or cold
rather then luke warm that He would just spew you out of his mouth.
This
for whatever reason FINALLY sunk in! This is who I was being!!! I was
complacent! I was luke warm!! I was safe. My Friend Lauren told me, "It
means nothing to follow Jesus until you
understand what it will cost you." Finally I've realized this!! I was
having such a hard time because God has put a spiritual at the very edge
of this cliff. I could either jump and trust that not only will God
catch me but that He will teach me how to fly OR i could turn around and
return to what i've known and become even more and more cold. God was
not going to allow me to be complacent, he was not going to allow me to
lukewarm any longer. this was the moment of decision. And in that
momment, Sunday morning I was cleaning my house and listening to worship
online and then I was in the middle of picking up trash when all of a
sudden i had that choice, I could stop and worship God full and choose
to never go back to who i was or i could choose to continue to be who i
was...and I stopped and worshiped!! It is one thing to think and talk
about doing something but it is so much more to actually do it! i'm
doing a 90 read through the Bible plan, I am devoting myself fully to
God! I am not sure what this means but I am overwhelmed with peace and
hope and love and joy sooo much joy in spite of the hardships and
sadness that I've heard about all over the world God is still in control
GOD IS STILL HOLY!! this is a song that is sooo the cry of my heart
right now I would encourage you to listen to it and be consumed by who
GOD really is :D I love you guys!! Sorry this is so long but this is
what has been going down :D i'm so happy I could share it with you!
AND I CHALLENGE YOU!! BE different!! Choose to be someone more!! and then GO and DO it with GOD'S help!!!!!
