That's where I'm at....

God has been speaking to me a ton lately. Specifically through a book called Furious Pursuit. It has been speaking about the love of God and in my life I have heard about it over and over again and sadly I can honestly say that if someone were to come up to me, hand me a paper on the love of God and walk away, it would most likely have no affect upon me. The reason is because it is just words upon a page. There is no life within these words because they have been used over and over again and especially the word love has so many connation that there is no true grasp of what it is.

First just having words upon a page, if there is no life within the person who wrote it or if here is no passion behind those words then, there will be no passion and no urgency that seeps through the page. They are just black words printed on a white sheet; there is no connection to the heart or soul of the reader.

Also the word love is so distorted and overused now a days. Again there is no passion or heart or soul or even life in the word love anymore. It is just a passing phrase to say in closing or off the top of your head. The heart had been completely severed from love as a flower has been ripped from it’s vine. Without the vine the flower will wither and die, it will become nothingness. And after is it gone people will search and search for such beauty and peace. They will search the vine looking for another bud that may sprout but they will not find it, for the force that was taken to rip the flowers from the vine have uprooted and killed the vine and therefore both die, the flower and the vine; both love and the heart die.

Sadly this is where I have found myself time and time again. I have heard of this beautiful and amazing flower that will change our lives, but all it is is a story, a fairy tale that I’ve heard a hundred times. That the Prince comes and finds his princess and saves her from her drastic state and carries her off into the sunset. Then there was the twist in the story, that God was our Prince. Well I could not and would not allow myself to picture God, this ultimate cosmic being, as a humble human let alone a Prince who is lower then a King or even someone who loved me. No this was not possible. It was just a fairy tale. Or so I thought.

Within this book it has opened my eyes to how much I don’t know about God. How if I listen, truly listen not with ears but if I take the time and replant the vine that He is faithful and will whisper to my long neglected heart. This thought was even more blown out of the water with the thought that God is physically pursuing me and desperately not only wanting but needing to have a relationship with me. A true relationship with me one of love and passion and hope, one of true love that surpasses all reason and understand. This is unfathomable to me.

I am still having great trouble dealing with this. I know who I am and what I have done or thought or whatever. I know me and God should not love me. I can’t grasp why He would love me. Needless to say this has opened up a flood gate of questions and doubt and inadequacies and honestly I find myself almost avoiding God because I can’t face that kind of Love…it is terrifying… but yeah that’s where I am at.

Please Pray

I wanted to let you all know what is going down with me and I'm sorry that i haven't told you before now but yeah it's been crazy. As you know I'm an Intercultural Studies major which is a fancy way of saying missions major and as such i am focusing in study abroad. As such, most people study abroad their Junior year so that they are all set in the groove of being in college and it is required that everyone spends at least there last 18 credits before they graduate so it's perfect :D and since i was able to come back to Mnu this put the plan of me studying abroad back into motion. well i've been thinking and wanting to study somewhere asian because I love their culture and then I heard about how the Korean Nazarene University and how they want people to come over to South Korea to teach english and I really want to do it and then i figured how amazing it would be if i studied abroad over there and so Lorie Beckum, my advisor and I started to get it into motion. and it'g going really well!! I'm sooo very excited about it. and it's going to be very soon i'm going to be going over to South Korea in the SPRING Semester :D

I really need your prayers because i do not know how to pay for some stuff. Praise God that my loans and Fafsa will take care of the tuition; however, I have to get a 1250 plane ticket and my passport and at KNU their meal plan covers Breakfast and that is it. They serve Lunch and Dinner but you have to play for it. So I'm in a bind, but God is Amazing and He has and will provide for me i know it. right now I have about $800 to my name soo it's a long way to go. so prayers and if you know of anyone who would be able and willing to help me out that would be amazing too!! Thanks so very much!!

God's Love

God's love. it's an incredible thing and yet do we understand it? do we truly grasp it? what prevents us from understand the Love of God? personally i think it is time and out constant thought that we don't have any. If we would just wait and and draw closer to God, if we would just draw to his heart and learn what makes his heart pound...it would change the world. If we knew the love of God and took it to heart, if we did what we were called to do...

if we followed in God's loving foot steps, we would change the world. it would solve most of the problems that curse our world and allow us to become the people that God has called us to be. how? if we loved like he does, we would not be burdened by selfishness and there fore we would be able to feed the starving because we would not only see the abundance that we have and the starving but we would do something about it, those enslaved... if we knew the love of God, truly knew the love of God and how He sees everyone, how could we enslave someone He loved so much? There would be no rape or murder or prejudice or poverty or abusive of any kind. But sadly most of us do not. I know that in my life i have not.

But God has challenged me and I am now challenging you. stop and think before you do anything, think about the Love of God and think of how it can change the lives of those around you. We are called to be the hands and feet of God and we cannot expect change to just happen... we have to get up off out seats and do something about it. I know that i am going to try to the best of my knowledge and power to be that love that God has called us to be. and I challenge you to listen to the heart of God and follow it. <3