My Testamonie

Ok so i was encouraged by one of my friends to write my testamonie on here, so... here goes lol! (thanks Matt) I do warn you, I am completely honest in here and I reviel a ton about me, more than I ever have. I would ask that you do no judge me, I am broken I am here though and open.ok well my name is Megan Kathleen Jarrell and i'm 20 years old. I was born and raised in Colorado Springs, Colorado all my life and blesed with an amazing family. Of course my life was not perfect, who's is? My father left when I was young leaving my mother to raise my two brothers one older one younger than I. My mother was a good mom, she raised us as best as she could, though the pressures of life did not help any. I had a rough childhood to sa the least... lol but I was blessed with food in my stomach and a warm(most nights lol) bed and a wonderous family!
I fainlly got the hang of life and began to really deeply bond with my mom and she got diagnosed with Breast cancer when I was in 4th grade. my mom went in and out of the hospital for different things over the next four years. They tried Kymo, radiation, as well as many other different types of treatments, they worked for a short time but then it always came back....My mother was no longer my mother... she was always out cold because of all the medication that she as on, she because a veggitable, somone i didn't know or didn't want to know.... I began to distance myself from her...it got so bad that she was forced to move into a nursing home. during the times when my mom was in the hospital, my brothers and I would stay with friends and one of those friends actually were the Ramseys. They ended up being our car pool during a hard time wtih my mom. Linda Ramsey ended up helping my mom so much by taking her to the store and many other things...it was a huge blessing.
Summer 2003 my mom asked the Ramsey's if they would be willing to take all 3 of us in once she passed away and they agreed even though they have 5 kids of their own....Well one thing that you need to know about me, I'm a HUGE clutz like hard core and well I'm kinda a chicken too lol and well my frieshman year... i ended up breaking my left ankel like hard core like shattered it and since I"m a clutz I kept falling and so my doc(who was a stud) told me to stay off it for a while and well, one day, Linda came into my room and she was crying and I knew instantly what was going down...my mom had gone to see the Lord.
THe ramsey's had paid for me to go to a winter reach in 2001 and I had ended up accepting the Lord though even though my mom was a DEVOUT christian and a wonderful woman of God. I had gone and while the pastor was preaching speaking of God's greace and mercry I was just getting mroe and mroe ticked off because I couldn't understand why or HOW a God who's so loving could and would give my MOM breast cancer....I litterally stood up and shout at him screaming and asking how the heck could a God who's so loving and mearciful give my mom breast cancer. I went and ran out into the snow... we were up in the mountains of Colorado... and and I ran and ran and ran all the while I heard God whispering I love you i love you i love you and then i eventually turned around freezing and out of breath I ended up back at scantuary at the bottom of the cross... one of my mentors and the pastor ended up being there and I ended up accepting Christ that night.
I went to Springs Frist church of the Naz. for like the rest of my times and One Wen. night after NYC(Naz. Youth Confrence) people were talking about how amazing it was and how God had changed their lives and all and I was not paying attenion because I was upset because my friend was not there with me because she couldn't go that night but they ended up playing a vid. from the event and there was this woman who said, "when the bellies of the children in Afric hurt becase they are starving your bellies should ache, and when the hearts of the mothers break because their children are dying from AIDS your hearts should break..." We had not sung any sonds but we stood to sing and God wispered "Go pray" and I was like no becasue I'm upset cuz my friend coulnd't be there that night and God was like "Go pray" and i was like no... and God said something that if He EVER says you neeeeed to do, whatever it is... He said "This is the last times I'm going to say it my dear Go pray" and so I was like ok...and i went to pray and as soon as I began to pray I begane to weep not knowing why and I prayed and prayed and then it hit my heart like a ton of bricks, my heart was breaking for the lsot and so I knew that I must go and help anyone and any way I can....
I now attend MidAmericaNazarene University in Olathe, ks I'm a Sophmore, I'm the class Chaplin, I was a youth pastor this past summer in Minot, North Dakota, which was amazing and completley like changing! I'm still broken and still not sure what God wants of me or anything so I'm waitnig and trusting and praying that God will make me into a Woman of God and that I'll be able to honor HIM with my life!
I am not perfect.... here is my honesty..... I have struggled with MUCH! I have been belimic, anarexic, I've cut, I've been susidal, I am broken! But it is within out brokenness that God uses us most, therefore, I write this to show that I AM NOTHING! I am useless but God is everything he is the one who makes the most beautiful things out of our crap and it's wonderful! we jsut must let go and let God! Rememeber Phil.4:13
I love you all so much and you all are HUGE blessings thanks you soo much and if you EVER need me please just call me I'm always going to be here for you no matter what!Acts 20:24

~Megan

I wanna be a rhino...

I was in a council leadership meeting with the amazing Mike Davis yesterday... and the group was talking about different stuff and well, Mike was talking about two books that he's been reading that he really wants us to check out because they are pretty amazing and they have transformed his thinking, (the books being The Barbarian Way by Erwin Raphael McManus and Crazy Love by Francis Chan and Danae Yankoski)... anywho... he started to talk about how in The Barbarian Way there is a place where the author talks about how Rhinos and how they run at 30 mph but how they can see only 10 ft in front of them. Jacob Miller did the math for me and that's like the Rhino and see only 1/2 as far in front of him as he is going... like if a Rhino runs 20 feet he can only see 10 ft in front of him by the times he's traveled the 20 feet... the Rhino must trust....He must just chance after the target within his heart...This is just like what God calls us to... at least this is where I am... I know that I'm here... I'm in this place and I'm learning and doing and I can hear God's voice off in the distance somewhere, calling me and YOU to great things and yet I'm being a Pansy Rhino if a rhino at all... I'm taking baby steps if even that asking God to show me ever step that I should take, ever muscle that I should move, ever action that I should do... I want God to show me EXACTLY where I need to be and when but the thing is, God gives us free will, He WANTS us to make our own choices, He WANTS us to learn and grow, TRUSTING Him... the fact is God is most likely (and I say most likely because I'm not God and He can do what He wants...) But God is most likely NOT going to show me or YOU ever step of the way, He is going to call you from where you are right now to where HE wants you to be... He just asks that we become the Rhinos, that we trust and that we run after him, NOT knowing what the future may hold or what not but what is along the way, but knowing that God will not allow us to get off his path without knowing it, he will always be there to gently guide us back to the path but then calling us to something great, to something unknown... but the choice is yours... will you be a timid little pansy rhino... or will you be a strong, trusting Rhino?.............the choice is yours.......

Thump thump, thump thump...

I wrote this a while ago but ti's still true only I wish I could expeirence that closeness lol with a guy... I'm getting there with God hee hee"The most romantic thing is for a wife to fall asleep on her husbands' chest, so close to him, she is able to hear him breath, she is able to hear his heart."Personally I agree....But this got me thinking...I am single and not looking to get married any time soon...but I can still experience this is a way...sorta...I can strive to get Close enough to God that I can hear his breaths.... that i could hear his heart, and if I hear his heart then I can follow it....But getting that close to God will take time and patience and determination and a longing from my own heart....For even in the relationship between the wife and the husband there was a longing for closeness ...there was time spent together...there was patience....and there was a determination for that relationship to work.... even through all the bad times...that relationship just grew closer as they grew closer together, knowing that the other would not leave just because it was getting harder...This is how it is with God and us....He is the one that will never leave us no matter how hard the situation gets, he is the one that is actually carrying us... I just wanted to let you all know that I am also there for you no matter what...that I hope that you feel, as I do, that our friendship is stronger than the hard times that may come and that we are going to stick together no matter what Satan decides to throw at us...that with God we can do anything... So as a little kid puts his head to his dad's chest to hear his heart, let us listen to the heart of our Lord and Heavenly Father and follow after him whole heartedly!!