God has been speaking to me a ton lately. Specifically through a book called Furious Pursuit. It has been speaking about the love of God and in my life I have heard about it over and over again and sadly I can honestly say that if someone were to come up to me, hand me a paper on the love of God and walk away, it would most likely have no affect upon me. The reason is because it is just words upon a page. There is no life within these words because they have been used over and over again and especially the word love has so many connation that there is no true grasp of what it is.
First just having words upon a page, if there is no life within the person who wrote it or if here is no passion behind those words then, there will be no passion and no urgency that seeps through the page. They are just black words printed on a white sheet; there is no connection to the heart or soul of the reader.
Also the word love is so distorted and overused now a days. Again there is no passion or heart or soul or even life in the word love anymore. It is just a passing phrase to say in closing or off the top of your head. The heart had been completely severed from love as a flower has been ripped from it’s vine. Without the vine the flower will wither and die, it will become nothingness. And after is it gone people will search and search for such beauty and peace. They will search the vine looking for another bud that may sprout but they will not find it, for the force that was taken to rip the flowers from the vine have uprooted and killed the vine and therefore both die, the flower and the vine; both love and the heart die.
Sadly this is where I have found myself time and time again. I have heard of this beautiful and amazing flower that will change our lives, but all it is is a story, a fairy tale that I’ve heard a hundred times. That the Prince comes and finds his princess and saves her from her drastic state and carries her off into the sunset. Then there was the twist in the story, that God was our Prince. Well I could not and would not allow myself to picture God, this ultimate cosmic being, as a humble human let alone a Prince who is lower then a King or even someone who loved me. No this was not possible. It was just a fairy tale. Or so I thought.
Within this book it has opened my eyes to how much I don’t know about God. How if I listen, truly listen not with ears but if I take the time and replant the vine that He is faithful and will whisper to my long neglected heart. This thought was even more blown out of the water with the thought that God is physically pursuing me and desperately not only wanting but needing to have a relationship with me. A true relationship with me one of love and passion and hope, one of true love that surpasses all reason and understand. This is unfathomable to me.
I am still having great trouble dealing with this. I know who I am and what I have done or thought or whatever. I know me and God should not love me. I can’t grasp why He would love me. Needless to say this has opened up a flood gate of questions and doubt and inadequacies and honestly I find myself almost avoiding God because I can’t face that kind of Love…it is terrifying… but yeah that’s where I am at.
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