Rambligs from a plane*cos-San Fran*

So I'm flying over salt lake right now I think it's 740am mountain time :) I cried when we left from Colorado when we were taking off I really kinda fell apart. But there is no going back and I'm so glad that God did not change his mind. Because u know if we r freakin of God will wait till we are ready but I told Him that I knew that this was what He wants for me and so I asked him I was like even if I'm a balling mess of snot and tears please do not change your mind. If you God say that I can do this then I know that I can and I will. It's not easy though I miss my Family and friends so much so so so so much. But u know what I've  learned? If we are meant to do some thigh something so awesome and life changing it will never be easy if it were easy then it wouldn't be life changing and somethings God choose people that He knows can handle life changing over and over again in that persons life so he calls them to something well life changing. I think that's me. I've gone through so much and God has blessed me with so many families all over the world and I know that I know that I know that He is the one who is holding me and pulling. E through each and very hard moment. Because there will be more. But you know what? God works from where we're at and gently moves us into His plan. He gives us baby steps most of the time and I know for me that has helped sooooo much!  I think most of us would head for the hills of God showed us what His calling really is or where we fit into His plan 10 or 5 or even 2 years from where we are now. A calling, which everyone has be it to be a stay at home mom or a missionary, but a calling is not an easy thing. But God will never ever leave us or make us do more the He knows we can handle. Now at times it will feel like it is more but that would be because we are trying to do it ourselves or not God's way and it's like ramming ur head against a concrete wall. All that will happen is frustration and a headache.  I'm really beginning to understand what it means to surrender fully too. It means holding nothing back. Not ur family,family, future, past or anything.  Seriously ANYTHING. if we have an area of our lives that is just causing us pain there is a good chance that it's because we have not fully surrender that to God. We keep trying to take it back. Or something that I did for the longest time was I walked both sides of the fence. I could play Christian at church or when ppl where looking by then I could go and do whatever it was that I wanted but in all honesty, I wasn't surging God really. I was putting on a show and I was the one who believed the lies the most. See if satan can convince us that truth isn't truth its lies and that lies are truth then he's already won half the battle. It's very easy to slip and fall if you are already walking on ice in flats. So it comes down to what do we choose? Do we choose to REALLY Surrender it all or do we choose to believe the lies? I've also been noticing how when we are in the depth of sorrow or disparity  we tend to believe the worst about ourselves and think that everyone else thinks the same. Which IS NOT TRUE!!! God has given each of us such hope and value within our lives and who we are but do we listen to His truth or the lies?? We MUST listen to he truth otherwise we will fail and fall and become so wrapped up in despair that it will consume us. Each and everyone person on this earth is created to reach people and to love and to be who people need to see God but some of us and at times all of us choose not to answer the phone when God is calling. We make it so that we are too busy or distracted by the very divides that we're meant to make our lives easier. We being to answer the call of electronics and not the loving whisper of the one who is so passionate and in love with us. Yes we screw up but who puts the space between u and God?? It sure isn't God because He isn't mount away from u ever!!! Idk food for thought I guess :) landing in about 1 hr and 20 mins going to try and sleep know I love u and miss u so very much!!!!!